You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
