i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
