So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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