just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
