Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize