she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
being pregnant is like rehab
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
