Your mouth is God's brothel.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
