she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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