By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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