But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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