the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
