My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
