It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am available for nakedness
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
