If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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