It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
