Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
