she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
