Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
