Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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