insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
