oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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