Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
