I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
