Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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