The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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