I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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