I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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