it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
