Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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