Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
