I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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