So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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