My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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