I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's the barista slut.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
