dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
