I seem to have left my pride at pride
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
