Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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