Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
