We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
