hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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