Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
