Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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