Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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