I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
