NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
