i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
