a queef is a wish your heart makes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
