his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
