I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
