somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is the high leading the old right now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
