I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
