He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
