garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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