If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
