but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
