just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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