I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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