I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
