Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize