why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
