I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
