I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sober January is a disaster.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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