Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize