Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
