Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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