did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
