3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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