You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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