I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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