Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
