$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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