Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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