just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
