is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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