my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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