i think my mom watched the whole time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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