guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
