I wish my penis had an off switch
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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