is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
