It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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