I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
