i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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